What Amazon Taught Me About Relationships

Rachel’s birthday was right around the corner. Like any good husband, I was going to surprise her with a gift she had been wanting…a Bluetooth headset. Sounded pretty lame to me, but hey, it’s what she wanted. Quick side note here to the men, when your wife blatantly tells you what she wants, take advantage of that and do EXACTLY what she says! It is the easiest way to get brownie points (these brownie points are in no relation to last post, fyi).

 

A week before her special day of getting older, I purchased here desired headset on Amazon.com. As promised, the product arrived on time. It was also already opened and appeared to be used. Bonus! Without enough time to ship it back and get a new one, I wrapped it up and gave it to her anyway in hopes that she wouldn’t notice… She didn’t notice. Awesome.

 

Moments after she opened her gift, I felt bad that my wife may have a used headset that may have been in someone else’s ear and now it is covered in germs. I’m no germaphobe, but earwax is pretty gross. I told her about how the package was opened and the product looking used. After scanning it over and cleaning it just to be safe, Rachel decided that the headset was totally fine and she was totally excited she got her birthday wish. Win.

 

Eventually I submitted customer feedback on Amazon and gave an overall rating of “Fair” or 3 stars because of the appearance of use on a supposedly new item. Minutes after I submit this, I receive an email and a phone call. I answered the phone and to my surprise it was the vendor I purchased the headset from. The customer service rep. was incredibly polite and informed me that my rating of their company brought their satisfactory rating down from 100% positive feedback. After I explained why I gave a 3 star rating, the rep. apologized and insisted on sending me a brand new headset or anything I wanted so that I would give them a 5 star rating of Excellent. “Don’t send me a new item,” I told the gentleman, “I will give you a 5 star rating because you contacted me personally to own your mistake, apologized, and resolved the matter. That means the most to me.”

 

5 lessons I learned from Amazon:

 

1- Be Prompt

Amazon called me immediately to resolve a dissatisfied customer. Be quick to address an issue or conflict you may have with someone. Don’t allow time for negativity to fester. It is the fertilizer of bitterness.

 

2-Own Your Mistakes

Amazon accepted responsibility for what happened. The mark of real grit is not by escaping your mistakes, but by owning up to them.

 

3-Empathize

Amazon listened to my story and understood how I felt. A key to any relationship is being understood. When people feel understood, they also feel cared for and become more apt to care for others.

 

4-Apologize

Amazon sought me out to make amends. It takes intentional effort and humility to seek out someone you may have damaged (your fault or not) and ask for forgiveness.

 

5- Don’t Settle For 3 Stars

Amazon was willing to do whatever it took to get a 5 star rating of excellence. Never settle for average. You’ll never make everyone happy, but you can ALWAYS give others your best.

 

Boundaries

My son, Cade, is fearless. At just under two years old he has zero fear of licking or eating ANYTHING. When we go on walks and encounter ferocious dogs barking and clawing at us through the fence he laughs in their face. He has no fear of the road no matter how fast the cars go by. The kiddy pool bores him; he wants a real swimming pool. Forget walking into the shallow end one step at a time; he goes straight for the deep end and jumps in! Cade would totally own Fear Factor if that show still existed.

In his world, Cade has no boundaries. To him, the angry dog wants to play; the poop in the grass is a brownie; the fast cars are just oversized Hot Wheels; the deep end is just a waterbed.

What Cade doesn’t realize is that if Daddy wasn’t already in the deep end to catch him, he would drown. If Mama didn’t watch him like a hawk, he would get a piece of that “brownie” or snag a ride with an oversized Hot Wheel. Cade is oblivious that it’s the fence between him and the dog that keeps him from being on the menu. He is completely unaware that it is the boundaries that keep him safe. It is the boundaries that keep him alive.

Boundaries separate life from death

Within the boundaries that my wife and I have placed for Cade, he is not only safe, but entirely free to run and play. He is happy, content, and everything he needs is provided for him. For some reason though, he still will contend with the very boundaries that keep him safe. When this occurs Cade gets flat out angry and immediately treats us as the bad guys.

No matter how much Cade will disagree with the boundaries given to him, the boundaries do not change because we love him. In example, even though Cade disagrees that he should not play in the road, out of love, we do not allow him to. He can kick and scream at us and treat us like bad guys all he wants, but we are there to protect his life.

Boundaries Exist Because of Love

From the instant he came in this world, Cade was born to instinctively break boundaries. He was born to accuse and fight anyone or thing that gets in the way of what he wants to do even if it kills him. I was born that way too, so was my dad, and so were we all. We all are born masters of justifying sin…because that’s all we know. That’s the norm because it is our nature, the core of who we are.

All we know is SIN and DEATH and when something foreign like TRUTH and LIFE are presented to us we automatically get angry and offended and treat it like the bad guy…and that’s ok. It’s normal. The Word of God is a scary thing to us because deep inside we know that Its boundaries separate the path of life from death, and we just don’t like boundaries. We disagree and contend with any boundary that we do not create ourselves. The boundaries we create are ones made out of sin because it’s all we know.

God created boundaries from life untainted by sin and they exist for us because of the GREAT LOVE He has for us. He doesn’t want us to drown or get hit by the car or ravaged by the dog. He loves us so much that He designed boundaries to protect us from a life of death and placed them in The Bible. And if you’ve never heard or read the Gospel of God’s Word, He took it a step further…

God sent Jesus, His Son, to be tempted in every way that we are and even though Jesus perfectly showed us how to live within the love and freedom of God’s boundaries, He chose to become sin and death so that we could choose truth and life. It gets even better… Jesus came back to life, as He said He would. And now if we surrender to Him our nature forged from sin and accept Him, Jesus imparts to us the same power that rose Him from the grave. Our sin nature becomes a thing of the past and God creates within us a BRAND NEW nature, one of life and truth.

 

 

More Than Prayer

So many times I’ve heard real stories from real people of prayers being answered in their lives. I have also heard many stories of prayers that were never answered.

All of us have probably experienced both scenarios or know of someone who has. Does it ever make you wonder if God picks and chooses which prayers He wants to answer? Are some prayers more important than others? Why did only one of my prayers get answered and the one I thought was most important get seemingly disregarded?

Questions like these could go on and on. These are great questions to ask and would probably fill the pages of many books in giving biblical answers for them.

The question I would like to ask in regards to prayer is not how deep your prayer life is, but how deep is your relationship with God?

Over the years I have discovered that if you develop relationships with people, you not only get to know them better, but you gain a friend. I suppose that is common sense, but often times we don’t even know the people who live right next to us.

As I’ve written before, my neighbors and I have developed great friendships. All of us are always willing to lend a hand or let each other borrow anything at anytime. We check up on each other and share many laughs together. You can’t put a price tag on that.

We need to understand that our relationship with God is similar to our other relationships. The only exception is that God will love you no matter if you never return the shovel He let you borrow…ok, God isn’t making shovels magically appear, but I hope you get the picture.

It’s God’s desire to give. He’s constantly waiting to bless us. Have you ever given someone you love a gift that you just couldn’t wait for them to open? You probably had a big smile on your face just at the thought of watching them open their gift…God is like that.

——-

Countless times have I prayed and nothing happened. After deepening my relationship with God I then prayed the same prayer again and guess what…I got an answer. Turns out it was me who was in the way not God. It was my relationship with Him that made the difference.

The depth of relationship with God will directly affect your depth in prayer. The more we come to know God the more we realize our dependence on Him.  In other words, our faith grows…and it’s the prayer of obedient faith, not just prayer, that makes all the difference.

Prayer is birthed out of faith and faith from admitting our dependency on God.

– How deep is your relationship with God?

– What has He been calling you to do that requires a deeper relationship with Him and admitting your dependence on Him?

– Have you ever asked God what He would want you to pray for?

– Where is He calling you to go that will cost you faith to get there?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy9nwe9_xzw

7 Tips for Your Days Off

We all long for those special days to relax. The days where we can just get away and take a mental vacation from everything. That R and R time is more than a want; it is a need, yet we rarely find it. Even on days off we still may struggle to rest.  We still may find ourselves too busy to relax and even enjoy life.

Here are 7 tips that you can do on your days off to rediscover rest and reignite you productivity.

1. On days off work, take OFF work – Do the best you can to not bring work home with you physically and mentally. There have been many weekends where I didn’t actually “bring” work home, but I was mentally thinking about it which prevented me from mentally resting. If work isn’t finished, it will have to wait.

2. Family Time– Make your time with family a priority. This means you aren’t thinking about work or about yourself; you are investing in relationships that matter most. Family time should include activities which involve everyone and have lots of laughs. Although I am passionate about music, it isn’t family time when I take my family to the music store to tryout guitars…that is me dragging my family to “me time.” My son is under 2 years old, so our family time looks like  hours of building blocks, playing hide and seek, taking walks together, and going to the park. All of these are activities everyone in my family can do.

3. Apply the Brakes– Know when to slow down. On your days off, find time to do nothing…no chores, no eating, no talking. Take time to clear out your thoughts and concerns. Close your eyes, take slow deep breaths, and meditate on God. He’s the one who invented rest, so taking time to be silent and really focusing on Him will make a huge difference in your ability to rest and find peace.

4. Daydream– Although daydreaming can be counterproductive at work, it is freeing and fun on your days off. If you’re in a relationship, spend time daydreaming together. My wife and I enjoy daydreaming about journeys around the world, exploring other cultures, and building a dream house. It’s just a fun activity that makes you smile together.

5. Read– There are many healthy benefits to reading. Reading helps reduces stress, improves ability to learn and focus, improves mood, enhances memory, and so much more! Not into reading? Try reading just a little at a time.

6. Reflect– Take time to think about your life and about those closest to you. Be slow about it. Focus on the good things in life. Reflection helps us to learn from our past and construct a better platform for our future.

7. Unplug from Technology– Have a smartphone? Ipad? Computer? T.V.? Spend time away from the digital world and embrace the world around you. Give your brain and nerves a digital detox…they will thank you for it and in return be more productive in the work week.

Neighbors

My neighborhood is filled with diversity. It is unique…and I love it! I’m not talkin’ about Mr. Rogers here, this is my neighborhood.

In our little neighborhood we have Drug dealers, Alcoholics, Christians, Bipolars, Robbers, Homosexuals, Catholics, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Bikers, Mentally Challenged, Blacks, Whites, Asians, Handicapped, and most of all Ohio State Fans. (My wife is an avid Michigan fan)

Everyday, Rachel and I take our son Cade for a stroll around the neighborhood. Over time, we have become acquainted with several of our neighbors and have developed friendships as well.

Here’s the best part …WE ALL GET ALONG.

We accept each other and help each other out despite our beliefs and convictions. We check up on each other daily and make sure everything is alright. We take time to listen when we have bad days or struggles. We help each other out with yard work. To put it simply, we share life together. Often times I think to myself, “This is what Jesus meant by Church and to love your neighbor.”

All of us have neighbors. And all of us have two categories we tend to put our neighbors in.

The Likables
&
The Unlikables

We also tend to spend more time with the likables than the unlikables. We are more friendly towards them and pay more attention to their needs than we do the unlikables.

Let’s be honest here. We play favorites…and we’re ok with that. Allow me to challenge you today. STOP IT. Quit playing favorites and put an end to judging those different than you. We are called to love each other and to give more love and grace to those who need more. What’s holding you back?

What neighbor(s) are you not expressing love to?

Maybe you have never spoken to your neighbor…today is a good day to start.

Love Only Grows

It was 5 AM when I realized my wife, Rachel, was constantly getting in and out of bed. Even the moments she tried to sleep seemed to becoming unpleasant for her. Then she made the statement, “I think I’m having contractions.”

After 40 plus weeks of pregnancy our little boy was finally making his way to the world! As the contractions kept coming they began to pick up intensity while the daddy-to-be would write down all the times and length of those contractions. An hour or so later it was time to go to the hospital.

It wasn’t long after we arrived that Rachel made a new friend, Epidural. The previous weeks Rachel had been trying to decide if she would do a natural birth all the way or have some assistance from the popular drug of choice among the moms-in-labor community. Let me tell ya, she didn’t have a problem making a choice when it was time. Before the doctor could even ask, “Would you like an epi…,” “YES!” She demanded. Almost immediately, Rachel got this smile on her face…and she was even at the peak of a contraction! Whoever invented this stuff, THANK YOU!

When it was time for our little Cade to get shoved down the home stretch, Epidural said, “goodbye.” Folks, it wasn’t pretty after that. We’ll just skip that part 🙂

After 11 hours of labor on July 17 at 4:09pm, Cade Thomas Hardin took his first breath in the world. For 40 weeks it all seemed to be so surreal. But in that moment when I heard my little boy’s first cry my heart was forever changed. I never knew this level of love could be reached, but I learned from that moment on that love only grows.

Selective Hearing

Ever been around someone who loved to talk? They could go on and on for hours and not even slow down or take just one moment to breathe. As they continue to talk they also get louder and louder. Some people are just more wired to talk more than others. I can admit that I get on a talking kick every now and then. Fortunately I have an amazing wife who helps me with my weaknesses and has helped me become a better listener.

Usually the more someone talks the more the listener loses interest. While the talker is getting faster and louder, pouring all his energy and excitement into what he’s saying the listener begins to care less and less until something almost magical happens. The listener selectively blocks out what the talker has to say…Amazing! I don’t have kids, but I’ve heard parents say they can block out all the noise that their children make. That is just crazy how that works.

What if God is pouring all His love and excitement in what He has to say directly towards us?

Is it possible that we can selectively block out what He’s trying to say?

Maybe our excuse we tell ourselves is that God really isn’t talking. On the contrary, it’s actually in God’s character to speak. In Genesis we learn that God “spoke” the universe into existence. Romans 1:20 says we have no excuse

“For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse.”

God is actively trying to speak with us…are we actively listening? James 1:19

The Cycle of: Time, Change, Adjustment, Uncertainty

Wow, it has been over a month since I’ve posted on here! I cannot believe how fast that time went by. It’s so amazing how all the little things in life just add up and make life busy and make time seem like the Energizer Bunny…you just can’t keep up with it.

When Obama was running for Presidency his campaign slogan was “Change”  and with this campaign he won the election. This is interesting to me because in the secular world (the world of our everyday lives) change is something that is expected or embraced. Although no one really knows what will happen next, we still expect time to move on and things to change with time. In the Church world of Americans, change, for some reason, is not something to be embraced. In fact it would appear to be quite the opposite. This is saddening news.

We all know how fast time is, at least I would assume we do. Along with time comes change and along with change comes adjustment and along with adjustment comes uncertainty. Now if time is fast it also makes change fast as well, does it not? The difficulty people face with change, especially when it is fast, is the adjustment factor. During the adjustment factor our faith gets squeezed like an orange when making orange juice. It’s a time when uncertainty arises and along with uncertainty comes ZERO control and control is what we love. YIKES! How can someone have faith when he is in control of his life and not God? The Bible says that if we have control (meaning we don’t have faith in God) it is IMPOSSIBLE to please God.

Hebrews 11:6

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

 Often times we earnestly seek self and not God if we’re honest. Control is something that lays active in the backs of our mind AND ultimately in the depths of our soul. It is something we don’t carry out in the open but we guard with layers and layers of defense…and control is what God wants. Maybe that’s why God intended life to change so much so fast…so that we do not get caught up in the defeat of our own puny control. So that our faith wouldn’t be in ourselves, but in Him.

A Good Morning…Waking up on the Left Side of the Bed

Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up on the “right” side of the bed? It never happens me…mainly because Rachel sleeps on the right side. What I really mean is, have you woken up and had a complete feeling that everything is alright, almost as if the world was still for a moment?

Usually when I wake up, I’m bombarded with things I’ve got to do that day and all the stresses that go with it. A couple of days ago I got out of bed, made a bowl of cereal, and took a shower all the while I knew I felt different. After I got ready for the day I came into the living room as Rachel was finishing her devotions. She shared with me her thoughts on what she had just read. When she was done sharing she then asked me if our finances were ok. Then it hit me. “That’s IT!” I told her. I have felt different all morning… in a good way. I felt at peace and had zero stress and had no idea why.

When she asked about our finances it had occurred to me that almost every morning I wake up I get up feeling worried about money and how I’m going to provide for us. But on this morning it was like God surrounded me with peace and reminded me that He is our provider.

What a no-brainer right? Of course God is the provider…now wait just a second. You may know that God is your provider, but do you live like He is?

Is God’s provision for your life a constant realization? Matt. 6:33

I don’t know how or when, but over the course of time I got myself in a rut to where I worried about how I would provide for my family. Although I knew that God is the provider I was living like He wasn’t. I lived more in financial worry than in faith.

And for the record, worry = sin. When we choose to worry; we choose to oppose God.

Quick Thought on Being Named “Christians”

Last night Rachel and I attended our first small group meeting with our new group. We’re reading/discussing through the book “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan (great book by the way). The discussion we had was about the foreword of that book which was written by Chris Tomlin. What stuck out the most was that the term “Christian” was given to followers of Christ by secular people! Acts 11:26 says that “the disciples were called Christians first at Antioch.”

This might not seem to be a shocker to those of you who have read Acts, but can people today look at your life and “name” you Christian? Being a Christian is not something we can claim to be, it is a name given us because of our actions. Are we acting in such a way to others that they can truly say “That is a Christian.”

The love of Christ is OBVIOUS…if people have to guess at what we believe in because our lives aren’t showing it, maybe we need to re-consider who it is we’re following…who it is we’re living for.